After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
