so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
