ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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