just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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