hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
