Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
