if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I deserve this hangover.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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