i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize