Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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