either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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