i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
