She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
