He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think people are normalizing furries
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
