Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
