The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
