May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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