I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My hand turned me down
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
