Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
