The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize