Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Found your dick twin last night
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
