So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
