he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
