I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize