FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
