Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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