Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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