all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
