I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My bed smells like the plague
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
