Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
