Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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