My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This is my gift to your gina
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
did you just send me my own nude
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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