cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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