It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
