They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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