i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
