Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
