I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
