And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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