I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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