Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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