he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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