the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
