How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
