margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
