i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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