I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
