We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
