I just cut my nipple shaving
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
