I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
