never play flip cup with pint glasses
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
