I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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