Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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