babies were throwing up all over the place
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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