You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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