Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
it was like eating out sand paper
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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