someone owes me an orgasm
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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