my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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