make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
