i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
