the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize