I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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