maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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