my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
