You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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