So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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