im having a threesome with these popsicles
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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