omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
