im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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