My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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