no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
A bitchslap is in order.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
