hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
