Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
