why didn't you poke me back
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
