Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize