better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
