I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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