I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
