We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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