Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Porn is love you can see.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
