You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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