Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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