i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
