you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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