So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
