I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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