I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
